Brainwashing--Learn How It Is Done So You Can Undo It

How Your Abuser Brainwashed You

Once an abusive person has your attention and empathy, the brainwashing can begin. Abusers tend to use certain coercion techniques to bring you under greater control. We’ll discuss them below. Before that, it’s important to know that your abuser didn’t have to learn these techniques from a book, at school, or during military training. Most likely, your abuser

• observed control techniques as a child, or
• figured out how to get her way with parents and teachers, or
• otherwise integrated control methods into his or her subconscious repertoire at a very early age.

As anecdotal proof, if there is such a thing, my abuser went to a military school in which he ‘learned’ how to control and manipulate the enemy during verbal negotiation. He came home one day, handed me the textbook, and said, “This is the easiest bullshit class I’ve ever taken. All this is stuff everyone learns on their own!” Er-hem. No. Not everyone learns how to verbally and emotionally control other people as a science. But my abuser did. And he ‘learned’ it so young that he assumed everyone had the same knowledge.

So, here we go with the steps your abuser took to brainwash you. Learning these steps will help you undo the brainwashing inflicted upon you.

1. Isolation

Abusers isolate victims from family and friends. If the abuser cannot isolate you, then it is unlikely your relationship will last very long because your friends and family support you and point out things they don’t like about your new love. Your support network is your reality check against what the abuser wants you to believe.

Cults and other groups that use brainwashing to control others have multiple members who already fell under the group’s spell. The desire to “go along” helps cult leaders bring victims into the fold. Your abuser is a one-man-band (or a one-woman-band) so they have to work harder than a cult leader to isolate you. Abusers create barriers between you and your supporters by

• finding fault with your friends and implying you don’t want to be like them or else,
• introducing you to their group of friends (often other abusers) and insisting their friends are superior to yours or participating in social events only if their friends host,
• acting jealous of others and implying you are sexually attracted to friends or strangers,
• talking about you behind your back to make your friends doubt their perception of you (especially effective if your friends are catty, new to you, or young),
• acting like such a great guy or gal that your unsuspecting friends cannot believe the abuser is the evil, foul creature they truly are,
• calling you their soul-mate and creating a fictional world where only the two of you exist,
• convincing you to move where they live or want to live, far away from those who love you.

In your relationships to come, be constantly aware of your connections to your friends. If you find yourself slipping away from your support system, reconnect immediately.

2. Monopolization of Perception

“Monopolization of perception” is Biderman’s fancy way of saying four things:

1. Abuser keeps your attention on them (may act like they love you so much they can’t bear to be away from you, cause drama in your relationship, act jealous, blow little things out of proportion, break into tears or become angry and expect you to know why, etc.)
2. Abuser says things that cause you to turn introspective – you look inward to solve problems of your soul (whether they truly exist or not)
3. Abuser attempts to remove from your world anything they cannot control (doesn’t want you to watch certain television shows, talks badly about the groups/clubs you belong to, tells you where to get your clothes or wants to shop with you,…you get the picture).
4. Abuser makes it almost impossible for you to do those things that are off-limits (texts/calls incessantly while you’re with friends, shows up unexpectedly, creates uncomfortable feelings, …whatever they can do to force you into compliance while making it seem like you choose to comply).

3. Induced Debility & Exhaustion

Abuser attempts to weaken your ability to resist their control by

• Announcing certain emotions are unacceptable or make fun of you when you show certain emotions (you have no “right” to be angry or frightened, to cry, to find humor in anything other than sarcasm because sarcasm lends itself to accepting abuse through jokes),
• Finding ways to make you feel guilty for not going along with them or agreeing to their opinions,
• Claiming your character is sub-par and insisting that you correct it,
• Keeping you busy meeting their “high standards” of beauty, cleanliness, holiness, parenting, etc.
• Demanding you make friends with their boss’s spouse, attend social functions that enhance their career,
• Adding responsibilities to your life that are above and beyond what is usually expected in a relationship,
• And anything else that forces you to show joy or contentment despite the heavy demands placed on your time and character.

4. Threats

The abuser threatens to leave you (or much much worse!) if you [fill in the blank]. The abuser’s threats are credible to you.

5. Occasional Indulgences

The abuser will sometimes be especially nice or allow you temporary freedoms for being “good”. In the cycle of abuse, the period of indulgences is known as the honeymoon period  which follows an episode of intense emotional, verbal or physical abuse. These intermittent treats come at any time the abuser feels they’re pushing you too hard and senses that you’ve had enough of their crap.

The abuser’s occasional indulgences of your wishes works to “keep you in the club” so to speak. If you get one thing you want even after you’ve lost a hundred other things you wanted, it is enough for you to want to “earn” more or to comply with the abuser’s demands. You may even fool yourself into thinking the abuser is “coming around” or changing.

In a reverse situation, consider a child’s temper tantrums. Every day for 3 days you ignore the child’s tantrum and do not give him what he wants. Then, on the fourth day, you can’t take it anymore and give the brat his candy. What do you think that child is going to do on day 5? One good thing after a hundred bad things is enough to make you keep trying to please the abuser – especially after your support network is gone, your abuser is your sole focus, and you’re mentally and physically drained by the abuser’s demands.

6. Demonstrating “Omnipotence”

Most abusers stalk you during the relationship, use their friends or exploit lucky coincidences to prove that they know everything you do when they are not present. Perhaps they have a job in the military or working with computers and convince you that they can track you wherever you are (but, in reality, have placed a GPS locator in your car or purse). Your abuser may seem like s/he is everywhere and you do not have one second to yourself.

Abusers also display omnipotence by playing judge, jury, and prosecutor. They say what you did, why you did it, and dole out a punishment suitable to your crime. Nothing you do or say will stop the verbal or physical violence of their punishment, and by the time the abuser is done berating you, you may feel as if you deserve to be punished.

7. Enforcing Trivial Demands

My husband once told me that I should know the exact cost of cleaning the bathtub. He wanted an account of the cost of the cleaning product, how much of it I used, and how long it took to clean the tub. He insisted that my time was worth minimum wage and wanted to know how much it cost him to get his bathtub clean each week. Your abuser will make the same type of demands on your time, thought processes, and emotional energy as you dread what will happen if you don’t comply.

The demand could even concern something that once pleased you, like gardening or painting. However, due to your abuser’s insane requests to do it this way, or do it during this time frame or under these circumstances, you lose interest or begin to detest your hobby (or job!).

8. Degradation

The abuser causes more harm to you when you resist their demands and stand up for yourself. Anytime your anger rises and the abuser must deal with your fury, the punishment is quicker and more severe than if you just did the damn thing to start with. You feel as if complying preserves more self-respect than refusing to do it.

Your abuser will degrade you with words, through physical/sexual assault or rape, and humiliate you in front of their friends or your coworkers at any time. Your humiliation degrades your sense of self-worth to a level lower than scum on the bathtub you clean. You become “nothing” in your mind. You fight to prove your worth to your abuser in whatever fashion they dictate because, by this time, your abuser and your relationship with them is your only reality.

Your brain is washed clean of the healthy thinking and positive relationships you once held dear. I feel drained by simply writing this post and recalling the ways my ex brainwashed me. But, like me and a million other survivors, you can reverse the effects of abuse and brainwashing in less time than it took the abuser to gain control over you.

Source

1 The basis of this article comes from the coercion techniques outlined by sociologist Albert Biderman in 1957. Later, Amnesty International adopted the brainwashing techniques in their Report of Torture. See Coercive Techniques – TheNeurotypical.com

Copied from Verbl Abuse Journals

Stockholm Syndrome

            Copied from Keith R. Marsolek

May is National Missing Children's Awareness Month

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From Where You Are

May 25th, National Missing Children's Day

Complicated Grief Syndrome

Do you know what is is like to have grief that is ongoing, unresolved and never ends? No closure or resolution. As Sean Cruz says: "no coming to peace with it". Can you even imagine what it is like? When a child dies, coming to terms with the child's death is part of the grieving process and resolution eventually achieved. However, when the child has been abducted and is still alive the grief continues like a "merry-go-round". Round and round it goes, incessantly. That is what has happened to Ron and any other left behind-targeted parent of Parental Alienation whose children have been abducted and are still alive. I first read about this when I found Sean Cruz's website and read about his situation regarding his children that were abducted a year before Ron's children were. My compassion for Sean and his grief, as well as Ron's is what drove me to make the video "Slipped Away-Aaron's Law Oregon" For I see and live with that same kind of grief and longing for Ron's absent children every day of my life. It is always there. It never goes away. Hovering like an albatross. For he knows his children are alive and out there living their lives without him because they were stolen. Here is the link to Sean's site and the article he wrote about Complicated Grief Syndrome and a Continuing Crime

Jodi or possibly Ron's children refer to his mourning the loss of his children as "whining" like a rejected teenager and implies he is "jealous". Where is your compassion and understanding for the father of your children Jodi? Once again, it is obvious she has none because she's nothing but an anti-social psychopathic sadist. A sadist who relishes and enjoys inflicting pain upon her victims. Why is there a need to stalk and harass us as she has these past 9+ years? She has what she stole, the children. I'm speculating the pleasure of having them is not enough. She needs more of a "fix" for her sadism and that is why she is bothering us. She needs to twist the knife into Ron's heart to pleasure herself, over and over again. In one of her blog posts Jodi said that I was "getting off" on all of this since she contacted us a 9 years ago. You are wrong Jodi, I don't gain pleasure from this or anything to do with you. I find you and what you have done repulsive and disgusting. I believe you are the one who is "getting off" on this......you poor sick wretched creature. Here is an example of the harassing sadism of an obsessed alienator that compounds the complicated grief syndrome for a "targeted parent". What I find exceptionally revolting is it is done by the abducting parent, as a cruel way to inflict pain, get revenge and pleasure herself at someone else's expense. As if the denigration and vilification aren't enough in her "madness"(she has been institutionalized twice). Jodi has repeatedly called our home. She has had the police and her attorney call our home. She's sent harassing email messages to Ron and I as well as my friends and family on Facebook. From which I've had to block her. I've had my name linked to a porn site. I've had provocative email messages sent to me from minor young males with viruses attached. Jodi has also put up websites with her foul assertions of vitriol about Ron and I including pictures and comments about my dead parents, my dead friend and his family, my son and my alive friends as well. Ron found it necessary to go to court to get an Order for Protection from Harassment because of her abusive and bullying ways. In one of his blogs Ron mentioned his son Ronald pondering whether he played football like Ron did when he was his age. Recently a new profile showed up on Facebook for Ron's son. We were pleased to see a current picture of him who was 15 years old at the time wearing a Guymon, Oklahoma basketball jersey posed with a basketball. It brought tears to my eyes. He looked just like his father, Ron. He has the same body build, hair color and haircut. His sweetness emanating from him just like his father. So reaching out to him Ron sent him a friend request. No response. Within a matter of hours the page was gone....deleted. Now, isn't that a sadistic thing to do? I'm speculating it was Jodi, baiting and teasing Ron. Using her own son as an emotional weapon against Ron because she's pissed about something again....maybe his recent song and video. Who knows for sure, for only she does. Well, Ron is right, "you will have your own hell to pay". So cruel of her or whoever did it. Such a lack of compassion for another human being. Sadistic. One thing about Ron, is his resiliency, his love for and devotion to his children and grandchildren. Whoever, did that just fueled his and my consternation all the more. For "Justice..will be served". There is more then one way to obtain justice in this world and it isn't always in a courtroom. For I know of many people out there that have been on the receiving end of Jodi's wrath and self serving ways other then us. Why else is she using so many aliases? She may be hiding from others she has wronged along the way. I am a beacon sharing the truth and pointing the way to the abuser's of Ron and his children and grandchildren. The rest will take care of itself.  As a follow up to the posting of Ron's son picture on Facebook. It turns out that it was Jodi, as I had suspected. Playing her cruel self serving games. She was using her own son as a way to "reject" Ron. Now if that isn't just too sick and twisted.....shaking head. Something only a "Psychopathic" mother would do.  Some 3 years after this occurrence Ron's son Ronald had a son the summer of 2014 whom he named after the abductor step father and his brother/uncle.  Jodi could hardly wait to find out my response to something that unfathomable.  Here is the link to the blog I wrote A Grand Child's Legacy Stolen  We haven't gone public yet or to the media other then with our blogs and videos.  "The Psychopathic Obsessed Alienator, Child Abductor and Child Abuser" page has gotten more hits from around the world then any of my other blogs. I now have my videos about the Parental Alienation and Parental Abduction of Ron and his children on websites around the world. We're not stopping. The "Truth" will be told. There is more to come. Just wait and see. Keep coming back, reading our blogs and watching our videos to see what is next. Please share and pass on whatever blogs or videos from any of our sites to share with others "The Other Side of the Story". Ron's complicated grief continues....until he is reunited with his children and grandchildren or they die. In either case he then will be able to have closure of the kidnapping experience and "move on". For as Sean Cruz says; the abduction of a child is truly an ongoing "crime".

It is "The Ultimate Hate Crime"

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  Oregon's "Aaron's Law"--new strategy in parental abduction laws!: Parental abduction wisdom, pt...

  aaronslaw.blogspot.com

  Kidnapping a child--even your own child--is a criminal act. Oregon's Aaron's Law, Senate Bill 1041 (2005) offers kidnapping victims tools to deter and resolve parental and family kidnapping.
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What Constitutes Parental Kidnapping?

Parental kidnapping or parental abduction is defined as the concealment, taking, or retention of a child by his parent in violation of the rights of the child's other parent or another family member. Violated rights may include, for example, custody and visitation rights. Sadly, thousands of children are abducted by a parent and removed from the United States annually. Even more children are kidnapped by a parent within the confines of U.S. borders. Parental kidnapping also happens when a child is abducted from a custodial parent abroad and transported into the United States by the non-custodial parent illegally.

More Than Just a Custody Dispute

Make no mistake – parental kidnapping is illegal. Parental kidnapping is far more than a dispute regarding custody matters between divorcing parents. Such matters are relegated to the civil courts; however, parental kidnapping is a criminal act. In fact, parental kidnapping violates the laws of all U.S. states, the District of Columbia, and the Virgin Islands, plus U.S. federal laws and international laws. It is dangerous and can be deadly.

Parentally-abducted children live a life on the run as if fugitives. It is not uncommon to see a child receive a new name, nickname, haircut, dyed hair, glasses, or otherwise altered appearance. Children may be coached not to reveal their true names, birth dates, home states and addresses, and other identifying information. They may move often to avoid detection and recovery. School performance and social relationships suffer materially (that is, if the child is permitted to attend school). Even medical treatment may suffer because of requirements for identifying information involved in the registration for care and insurance claims processing.

Traumatic for Children

Parentally-abducted children are traumatized emotionally and psychologically, especially if they are brainwashed by the abducting parent to believe that the other parent no longer loves them or has died. Abducted children are truly innocent victims of their parents' decisions and actions. Their relationships with other family members, perhaps even siblings and grandparents, are terminated, and their sense of family, belonging, and identity is compromised, if not lost entirely in the process.

What typically starts as a custody dispute balloons into a much larger tragedy with long-term and widespread impacts. Perhaps most tragic are the higher risk factors that abducted children face for severe psychological conditions such as reactive attachment disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder in both the short and long terms.

Parental abduction may seem a last resort and only remaining alternative to a parent fearful of an abusive situation involving the other parent, an international move instigated by the other parent, or even an unfavorable custody dispute playing out in the courts. Ultimately, working within the family court system to resolve custody matters within the confines of the law is preferable for preserving the well-being of all involved.

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It's Been 19 Years Since Ron has Spent Christmas with his Children